A little known fact: Mothering Sunday originated in the 16th century as a religious tradition on the fourth Sunday of Lent. It was originally conceived as a day when you returned to your ‘mother church’ or baptismal or local cathedral, evolving to a day when domestic servants were given time off to see their mothers.

What it wasn’t was a schmaltzy Hallmark fest of gargantuan proportions loaded with a dizzying selection of conflicting emotions designed to irk and guilt you at every turn. For context, spending for Mother’s Day in the UK alone hit £1.6 billion in 2025.

And yet I sometimes wonder if I’m missing something. Who is to argue that showing love and gratitude towards our mothers isn’t a wonderful idea. After having three of my own children, I’m all up for them being a little bit appreciative.

Except there’s also this other narrative. The one – so beige, a little martyr-y, a touch performative – which says Mother’s Day is the one day of the year when (aren’t you so lucky!) you get to put your feet up and do something nice for yourself. The other 364 days of the year? Pah! Get back in your box. And without wishing to come across bah-humbug, we don’t celebrate it in our house.

Who really believes that one day of rest and not feeling guilty is going to give you the requisite levels of energy and respite to tackle life head on. Mother’s Day peddles a focus on maternal selflessness, perfection and sacrifice. I am all and none of those. What it doesn’t do is reflect on the real, messy (in my house shouty) and multifaceted nature of being a parent today.

I’m also curious as to how many mothers actually end up organising their own Mother’s Day themselves, feeling like yet ‘another thing’ to do. Is this really how women want to be celebrated? Instead of a card or flowers, wouldn’t we prefer better structural support and workplace policies, equal pay and more equitable sharing of domestic chores and the mental load?

I am very boring on the subject of the 50% split, but I’m also baffled that in 2026, this is even a ‘thing’ when two parents are both out at work. And what about the unpaid labour that stay-at-home mothers carry out.

Sometimes I feel like an anomaly that I haven’t lost my sense of self since having kids. I acknowledge that motherhood can be all-consuming (the adage little children, little problems, bigger children, bigger problems – deep breaths here - has never rung truer). But I have often wondered why it’s so wrong to put yourself first.

When you put yourself first, everything in your life benefits. It’s the oxygen mask on an airplane maxim. When you look after yourself - taking the time to sleep properly, eat well and exercise - it sets you up for the many many roles we take on. When you value both your emotional health as well as your physical health, you are SO much better equipped to take on any of the challenges that are thrown your way. Also, no child has died from having to wait 10 minutes.

Why have so many women (strong-minded, clever, educated) bought into the – sorry there is no other word for it – crap idea that they have to sacrifice everything they are and put themselves last on their list of priorities to be a good mother, wife, daughter, or friend.

Far from being selfish, when you put yourself first, you are taking responsibility for yourself, which has always struck me as quite a sensible thing to do. When you put yourself first, EVERYTHING in your life benefits.

One friend decided to put herself first and was more than surprised by the results. She noticed how eating proper, nutritious food and doing some exercise not only vastly improved her mood but also how she interacted with her husband, children and friends. She was less snappy and more upbeat. She was calm in situations where she might have previously lost her temper. She was less prone to doubt, negative feelings and introspection. She was happier and felt she made better judgments and decisions. All that from just taking the time to eat well, get more sleep and do a workout.

Mother’s Day has become a sort of one dimensional ‘happiness’ holiday but that doesn’t go any way to addressing the whole range of emotions one might feel as a mother/ daughter/ woman. Whether that’s because it’s a painful reminder of a lost pregnancy, an infertility journey or tricky family dynamics. Or even just because a mum might be struggling with a screaming toddler.

Are we ripe for a tweaking of the narrative: a celebration of women because they’re strong and kickass yet also human. We know it takes a village. Not so long ago, I went to the headmaster at my children’s school and said that girls are told they can be Beyoncé or the Prime Minster; but what happens when they want to start a family? What are we as parents modelling to them? Why does the PTA only consist of women (many of whom work full time). Why was the Christmas fair, held on a weekend, mostly run by women?

I’d like to see my daughters grow up with a hefty dose of self-respect and not take anything lying down. But in order for them to do that they need role models.

Do we need to move beyond outdated, idealised stereotypes of motherhood on Mother’s Day? To address the chaotic and demanding reality of modern parenting which will require some thought for diverse family structures, sensitivity towards loss and more systemic support. And shouldn’t we be celebrating the village of support involved with bringing up children in all its joy and messiness.

So, no thanks to the Mothers Day meal out (that invariably I would have had to organise myself). Hello instead to a celebration of women trying their best whatever that looks like, along with a call to action for meaningfully paid maternity leave, affordable childcare and less of the mental load.

If this piece resonated, join AllBright’s Motherhood Works Summit this June in partnership with Mindplace (part of Bupa) to explore the powerful transformations that motherhood sparks, and how it redefines success, reshapes ambition, and helps to clarify what comes next.

Bupa believes in a world where caring for your mental health, especially for mothers, carries no stigma. Where talking to a therapist is as accepted as going to the gym or visiting the doctor. That’s why they’ve created Mindplace, a global network of wellbeing centres, to make caring for your mental health as easy and stigma free as possible.